The other day, my friend asked me: “How can you be always energetic? You put that big smile on. You are able to live and study in San Francisco. You travel couple times a year. Now, You got into Berkeley. You seem like a happy person as well. I am jealous”. I told my friend about time management, prioritizing my focus and learning to say “NO” sometimes. And I was like: Oh well, have you ever heard of the Duck Syndrome? Because it describes me pretty well. A duck seems happy on a lake, but under the water, he kicks the water pretty hard. People live in San Francisco are happy or at least try to be happy in general. It is a sin if I am not. Honestly, I feel I am a sinner sometimes though. Why?
I had a mental breakdown at the end of this semester. It was so bad, and all I wanted to do was crying. I was a T.A last semester. Sometimes, I could not push myself to go to the T.A sessions. I just went to a bathroom, cried all my tears out and then cleaned up my face and went straight to the class act as nothing happen.
Loneliness. It comes from missing my core friends. It has been so hard for me; especially I feel stupid when people do not understand and make fun of my English. I feel a sense of disconnect. I used to cry a lot at night. When I feel lonely, I just want to shut the world down, eat a lot and take a long nap. After that, I go to the gym, listen to my playlist and read a book and then call up a friend. I want to share my world with my love ones as well, not through social media, but through conversations and experiences. I also want to share my world with a special one, always.
Financial problems. Yes, it is stressful. I try to save as much as I can. But being a full time student means my income is very limited. It stresses me out at the end of the month, every month. My landlord is like “Bitch Better Have My Money”. haha
Also, whenever I face difficult times, I try not to go around and tell people about it. But I choose a few friends that I can talk to or I simply just write them out.
But after all, I think you are right. I am pretty happy in general. I choose to be happy. I tried to find what I love and what matter to me. I eventually found them. I think happiness is nothing complicated. I like to put and present myself as an optimistic person. When I am happy, I can bring energy to other people and vice verse, I get energy from people who are happy and passion. Oh, HAPPINESS IS A LIFE STYLE!!!